Wednesday, November 24, 2010

pity party

The past couple of weeks have been difficult for me.  Two weeks ago something happened school related that really made me feel defeated.  I'm not going to go into it a lot on here, but let's just say that it didn't leave me with a lot of self confidence in my abilities as a teacher.  I really felt like someone had lost their confidence in my ability to do my job.

Tonight has also been difficult, because I've been thinking of that fact that I don't get to see any of my family for thanksgiving.  Holidays can be a difficult time for me because my family is so far away.  I know that I have been blessed with so much and that I get to see my family at Christmas, but it's hard to remember that when I see peoples' statuses/comments on Facebook about seeing family.  Thankfully I was invited somewhere for Thanksgiving.  It would have been much, much harder had I not been invited anywhere (like I was my first Easter here).

Tonight as I was watching a "Biggest Loser" special, I kept telling myself that I need start working out again!  I cannot let myself keep going down this road.  I've gained weight since the school year started and I need to reverse that.  I guess you could say that I was having a "pity party" for myself.  I was thinking about all the things I'm struggling with-my weight, never having been kissed or in a relationship, being away from family, still being lonely, school stuff, needing a new car (but not being able to afford one), low self-esteem.  

Thankfully I have a counseling appointment on Monday.  I guess I'll have a lot to tell her.

I do know that I have SO MUCH to be thankful for this Thanksgiving!!!  God has blessed me with so many wonderful things!!!  I just need to remember that!!!!!!

I hope that everyone has a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving!!

God bless!!!!

In Christ,

Thursday, August 5, 2010


I was actually looking forward to my weigh in yesterday; I felt like I had lost some weight.  Well, I gained 0.2 pounds!!  I gained!  Now, it know it's not a lot, but I've been taking at least a 1 hour walk everyday except for Sunday!  I've also been trying to eat better, more veggies and smaller portions of the "bad" stuff.  I was kind of frustrated when that happened.  Thankfully my supportive friend, told me not to give up!  When I talked to her on the phone, she told me to keep it up!  I think what my be deterring my weight loss is my lack of sleep.  I haven't been getting enough sleep for the last few weeks.  I'm probably averaging 5-6 hours a night.  I need to be getting at least 7, hopefully 8.  They say getting enough sleep helps with weight lose.  Another friend reminded me that I'm probably gaining muscle.   I just know that I need to keep working at it.  I'm going to try and add some variety in my workouts by doing a walking DVD at least a couple of mornings a week, because it adds some muscle strengthening.

Until next time, God bless everyone!
-Single Lutheran

Thursday, July 29, 2010

summer so far

It's been a while since I've posted anything on here.  It's been a while since I've even logged on and read some other blogs.  I guess it just haven't "felt" like it the last few months.  Don't ask me why.  These past few days I've been thinking about the blogging world and decided that I want to start being a part of it again.

Here are some things that have been going on in my life lately:

The school year ended and I'm now preparing for the next one.  We start 3 weeks from today.  I have a lot to do in that amount of time.  Things are going to be changing for me a little this year.  I'm going to be teaching some different subjects (more social studies classes).  I'm excited, because I love social studies, but it is going to take some extra planning at first.

My summer has gone by fast.  I went "home" for a couple of weeks near the end of June and beginning of July.  I spent time with my family.  It was good to see my parents and spend some time with them.  My mom and I got along pretty well while I was there.  We only got into a heated "talk" a time or two, which is better than other times.  I was awesome to see my brother, sister-in-law, niece, and nephew.  The kiddos are growing so much and are as adorable as ever!!  I just absolutely love them and wish that I could see them more often.  The week that they were at my parents house we kept plenty busy, including spending time with the extended families.  It was great!

The day after I returned down south, a friend from college came to visit.  It was so great to spend some quality time with her.  She decided that she wanted to help me clean my bedroom (since it was a major mess when she got here).  She helped me do that and some other organizing/cleaning in my apartment.  I've also started doing some more decorating.  I've still got some stuff to finish up that we started while she was here.

This friend and I are working together to loss weight (she doesn't have as much to lose, since she's been on weight watchers for a few years).  Every day we email each other what we ate that day and if we exercised any.  We have been doing that for two weeks and in that two weeks I've lost about 2.5 pounds.  I've been trying to workout pretty much everyday.  In the last week and a half, I've went on a walk 9 times.  At least 7 of these times I've walked for one hour (or more).  I'm just hoping that I can keep up the working out once school starts.  It's going to be tricky, since I won't have as much time in the morning to walk outside due to having to be at school on time.  I think I'll have to start using my workout videos again.  My short-term goal is to be down 7 lb more by labor day (that would be about 9 pounds total).

The rest of the summer I've been trying to relax and filling in some at summer camp at school.  It's been nice to earn some extra money.  Plus, if I have stuff to do occasionally, then I plan and manage my time better.  I've spent some time with friends here, but not a ton.  One friend has been gone one business part of the summer.  The other friend has been going through a lot, so she's been traveling to see family and spending lots of time with her husband.  At times, it's been hard and I have felt left-out.  I know that this is just an emotional response.  Logically and rationally I know that she's going through a lot (I talked with my counselor about this a lot at my last appointment).

Okay, it is time to email my friend what I ate today and then head to bed (read my book first, then sleep).  I hope to come back again soon!  Take care and God bless everyone!!
-Single Lutheran

Saturday, March 27, 2010

It's hard

It's hard exactly put into words how I've been feeling lately.  It seems like a lot of thoughts have been going through my head since the last time I wrote anything on here.  I can remember thinking in the past few weeks "I should write something in my blog about this" but never actually getting around to it.  I don't particularly like when that happens.  Sometimes I think that happens with my therapy appointments.  I think of stuff I could talk about in-between appointments, but then I can't always remember them when I actually go to the appointment.  I'm just going to start somewhere and see here it takes me.

School-It has been kind of busy and crazy.  A lot is going to be happening between now and the end of the school year.  We've been back in school a week since spring break and it was a exhausting week just trying to get back into the swing of things.  This following week is going to be busy too.  I've just got tons of stuff going on.

Spring Break-I didn't go anywhere for break.  I just stayed here and tried to get some work done.  I did get some time to relax and work on some extra school-related stuff.  I didn't get everything done that I wanted to (like my taxes, which I finally did on Thursday instead).  It was kind of a lonely week because my two closest friends here were both gone (one was visiting family, the other was on a business trip).  That made parts of my break very hard.  I just didn't have a chance to really do anything socially.  I just wish that I could reach out more to others, or that they would reach out to me more.  I wish that I would have had enough money to go visit my brother and his family.  Then I could have spent lots of time with my niece and nephew.  I guess I'll just have to settle for seeing them this summer when I go visit my parents.  At this point I don't think I'll be able to make a separate trip to New Mexico to visit them. 

Friends-Do you ever feel like your best friends don't want to spend time with you?  It seems like lately I've been feeling that way.  It seems like my best friend down here and I don't do much together anymore.  There are times when I would like to do something together, but so often she has other plans.  I've been feeling like she's willing to take the time to make plans with other people but not with me.  I know I can't expect to be able to do something with her all the time, it just seems like the amount of time we are able to spend together gets less and less.  Another friend (one from college) is hopefully going to be moving closer to me this summer (only 4 1/2 hours away instead of 7).  I'm hoping that this means we'll be able to see each other a bit more.  I'm hoping that she'll come and visit me sometime, since she's only been here to see me once in the 3 years I've lived here (and that was for only about 12 hours).  I do get frustrated though because she does take trips to other places and even mentioned something about going to visit a friend out in South Carolina this summer (which is probably at least 3 times farther than coming to visit me).  I just feel like people don't see me as someone they really want to spend time with.  I don't feel like I'm on their "priority" list.  Thats a hard thing to deal with, when I so badly want to know that people care about me. 

Sunday, March 7, 2010

my time???

When will it be my time?  When will it be my time to finally meet a guy?  How much longer am I going to have to wait?  Does anyone have any idea how hard it is for me when I don't have any similar experiences to what you are talking about?  Do you have any idea how pathetic I feel that I'm in my mid twenties and I've only been on 1 date!  I wish that I could move past these feelings.  Sometimes it doesn't bother me as much, but lately it has again. 

Okay, onto another topic.  I've been doing awful at my weight loss plan the last few weeks!  I haven't been working out and I haven't been tracking my calories.  It seems that I've gotten so busy and after being sick, I've lost the motivation!  I know that I need to get up in the morning and start working out again!!!!

Thursday, January 28, 2010

crazy week

So it's Thursday and this has been an interesting week.  First of all, we don't have school tomorrow due to ice and snow.  So I'm stuck at home....wait it's really not my home.  I'm actually house-sitting/teen-sitting for the next five days.  It will probably be good for me to have some interaction with other people over the next few days.  Plus, they have cable at their house.

Because we were pretty sure that we weren't going to have school tomorrow, today was a pretty laid back day at school.  The first part of the week was busy with the normal stuff of choir and Wednesday night at church.  On Monday I had a counseling appointment and then a meeting for church stuff.  We ended up having our meeting at a resturant.  I spent a lot of time deciding what to eat at the resturant (it was Mexican), so I could eat something healthy.  I ended up eating a chicken fajita salad.  It was good and really healthy.

I've worked out everyday this week (except Sunday) for at least 30 minutes.  Wednesday morning when I did my weigh in, I'd lost just over 3 pounds.  That put me at exactly 6 pounds in two weeks.  Now I know that future weeks won't all be like this, but it gives me a lot of hope that I can do this.  It just helps with my motiviation.

Take care and God bless!!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

weight loss update

This morning was my weekly weigh in.  Since last Tuesday night, I've lost 2.4 pounds!!  I was just so excited.  It's going to keep me working out and working on eating better (I think that is an area I could still make some more improvements.)

On Monday I came across the website on another blog.  It mentioned that I could count calories, so I decided to check it out.  I love it!  I've spent a lot of time on it the last couple of days.  It lets me keep track of my nutrition and fitness.  Plus it lets me make other goals.  I just love that it's a place I can not only get more information, but also track my progress. 

Until next time!  Take care!

Monday, January 18, 2010


I love soup!  Especially during this time of year!  Today I bought 6 cans of soups just to leave at work, so I can eat them through out the week for lunch.  It's so good and refreshing.

Check out this contest for a chance to win some free soup:

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Reflections on my weekend

It's a Sunday night and I'm up later than I normally would be, but that's because I don't have work tomorrow.  I'm looking forward to the day off, but I still have plenty to do.  At least I did accomplish some stuff this weekend.

Yesterday morning I did a 3-mile walking DVD in the morning.  Today I went for a walk outside (because it was a really nice day and I figured I could use some sunshine) for about 30 minutes.  I've now worked out everyday since Tuesday (6 days).  I feel like I have more energy during the day.  Today I didn't work out in the morning.  Instead I went for my walk this afternoon.  I could tell a difference earlier in the day after church.  I just didn't have as much energy.  I ended up not taking a nap at all this weekend.  Usually I take at least 1 nap a weekend (almost always on Sunday and sometimes on Saturday).  I'm looking forward to working out again in the morning.  Because I don't have to do to work, I'll have more time for a longer work out.

Yesterday I spent time at basketball games at school.  Some of my students were playing.  Four different teams from my school played, but unfortunately none of them won.  But it was still good to be there.

This morning I sang on worship team during second service.  Thankfully over the next three months, I'll only be singing on worship team once a month.  Two times a month was just getting to be too much in combination with singing at least once a month with the church choir.  I do like to be able to sit by my friends in the pew a time or two a month.  Sometimes I just feel more in fellowship when I'm sitting with them.  I know that probably shouldn't be the case, but it is.  I especially feel that way when I sing on worship team, because when I sit in the pew during the sermon, I'm usually sitting along.  It's just different (and I usually don't like being alone).

Today I also go caught up on my grading and I got it all recorded in the gradebook (on the computer).  It feels so great when I stay caught up on my grading.  I know it makes things easier and less stressful during the week.  I just have to make sure I keep up with it for the rest of the year.  Usually things get harder the farther into the quarter it gets. 

One thing I didn't get much done on this weekend, was the chapel message I need to write by Tuesday.  My class is going to be doing the message during school chapel on Wednesday, so I have to write the message.  I have somewhat of an idea, but I haven't written anything yet.  My class needs time to practice on Tuesday, so I'll have to write it tomorrow.  Thankfully after church today I do have a little more idea of what I want the topic/theme of the message to be.  I plan on going up to school tomorrow afternoon and working on it there (I think I'll get more done there than here at home).

Well it is getting late (at least for me), so I'm going to head to bed.  I plan on writting again soon (probably on Tuesday or Wednesday after I do my weekly weigh-in).

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Second day

Yesterday and today I've come across a large number of great blogs dealing with weight loss.  Because of this, I've decided to focus more of my blog on my weight loss struggle.  I'm hoping that it will be an additional way to help keep me on track. 

So here is a little update:

Today was my second day in a row of getting up a little earlier in the morning and working out for a little over 20 minutes.  Both days I've done a 1 mile walk DVD.  I'm trying not to start to fast with exercising and wearing myself out.  I'm going to try and work myself up to longer workouts.  Also, today I have drank about 9 1/2 glasses of water (granted I just discovered that I should drink more like 12 glasses for my weight).  I'm working on the working out and the drinking water. 

Also, I'm trying to just move a little more at school.  Sometimes I'm just going to take the long way to get to the office or the printer.  I also don't want to spend so much of my school day at my desk.  After I've been sitting there for a while, I'm going to remind myself to get up and walk around for a little bit.  Also, rather than sitting on my stool in front of the class, I'm going to try and stand more and move around the room. 

I also know that it's important to not completely cut out foods that I want.  But I do know that I need to indulge in them less often.  I shouldn't be eating 5 pieces of chocolate 2 times a day. 

I've also started a food journal.  I did this for a few weeks during college, and it really seemed to help.  Today was my first day doing that. 

Take care and God bless!!!

-Single Lutheran

Monday, January 11, 2010

weight struggle

Something that I have struggled with most of my life is my weight.  I've always wanted to do something about it, and at times I've started to, but I've never really seem to gotten anywhere.  Well, I've decided that now is the time to really make a change!  I'm going to improve my weight and my physical body this year!  I don't want my weight to be a constant struggle for me anymore.  I'm currently at the highest weight that I've ever been at.  Since this school year started, I've gained at least 10 pounds.  In the last year, I've gained more than 20 pounds.  I don't want to be in this situation anymore.  I'm going to change. 

I'm hoping to keep the people (few as it may be) who read this up to date on my progress.  I'm hoping that will help keep my even more motivated to stick with the changes I need to make in my life. 

Saturday, January 9, 2010

start of a new year

So, the year 2010 has begun, and with it I reached another birthday.  My birthday was Jan. 1st.  I turned a fairly big milestone (at least I think so) during the 20s (no, it's not 21).  I was still up in Minnesota spending time with my family at this point.  The day started at midnight with me watching the countdown on the tv.  I was the only one still awake (my dad was in the living room, but he was sleeping).  So I went to bed with no big hoopla.  In the morning, I woke up to go to church with my family (parents, brother, sister-in-law, niece, and nephew).  I got lots of birthday wishes at church, which was very nice.  For lunch we went to my aunt's house for pizza.  We hadn't seen her at the family Christmas earlier in the week.  We had pizza and a cheesecake.  They all sang "Happy Birthday" to me.  When it was time to go, my niece started crying, because she was going to miss me when I left.  This then made me start crying too.  I don't think I've ever cried that much before when having to say goodbye to everyone.  I was still crying as I got in the van that was taking me up to MSP airport.  I flew back, but didn't get back home until after midnight.  I did get lots of birthday wishes on Facebook (about 15-20) and a text from a friend (however, I didn't get a message from my best friend down here, until the next day).  So my birthday has come and gone with no major hoopla.  I know that this may not make a lot of sense, but I was hoping that it would be more.  Yes, I knew that because I was traveling that day that I wouldn't be able to do much (what my family did for me was just fine).  However, I was hoping that more people down here would have taken notice of it.  I guess birthdays have always been a touchy subject for me.  For a long time I've felt like I've gotten the short end of the stick.  No one around her (other than my best friend last night) has made any mention about my birthday.  I know that I'm probably expecting too much of other people, but it's just hard.

I just want to know that people care.  I guess I haven't felt like that much so far in 2010.  I've been rather depressed this past week.  I don't know if it's the lack of sunshine; if it's just the change from the busy times of the holidays.  It's so hard to know.  All I know is that I've got those feelings that no one cares again.  I know that I shouldn't depend on others for my happiness.  The logical side of me knows this, but the emotional side struggles with it.  I just want to scream.

It was also hard this week because some fellow teachers were mentioning about some of their children dating (their children happen to be close in age to me) different people and being in relationships.  This was hard for me.  I'm envious of what these other people have.  I wish that I had someone; that I didn't have to worry about whether or not I would ever meet someone.  As I say so many times, I have no prospects.  It's hard.  I'm at this age and I've never even kissed a guy!  Do you have any idea how depressing that sounds?  Again, I just want to say to these people, what about me?  Have you ever thought about trying to find a way for me?  I cannot do it on my own!  I don't know anyone!  Again, I just don't feel like people really care. 

Maybe I'm being to selfish and expecting too much of people.  I know that other people have their own lives and that they are busy.  I cannot expect them to hold my hand through life.  I cannot be fully dependent on them.  I like to think that I'm not; I would just like to know once in a while that they care.  I see them being their for other people; why can't they be there for me??

It's just one of those days (or maybe weeks) when I feel so lost and alone.  I feel like there isn't anyone I can share stuff with.