Saturday, November 21, 2009

Book Challenge

I came across this book challenge on someone else's blog and so I checked it out.  After looking at it, I figured that I could be a part of it, because I read plenty.  100 books in 1 year; that's an average of 2 books per week. 

2010 Reading Challenge--100+ books

Saturday, November 14, 2009


Today I asked one of my good friends if she ever thinks out possible conversations in her head.  By this I mean, do you plan out what you would say if you have a particular conversation with someone?  She said that yes she does.  Then I asked if she ever actually says out load what she might or would like to say if there was an real conversation.  Again, she said that she does this.  I told her that I do too.  She said it doesn't make me crazy. 

The reason I brought this up with her and here in my blog is because last night I was having one of these "conversations."  I was actually saying some things that I would like to say to this friend (I mentioned it in the previous post).  I still haven't had a chance to discuss things with her.  I don't really want to do it to bring up the past; I just feel like I need a sense of "closer" on the whole issue.

Last night was a hard night for me; at least harder that it has been lately.  It was about 10:30 or so and I was thinking about what I would say to my friend and I just started crying.  Part of it was brought on by something I read on Facebook.  It's another one of those times when I know logically that I'm probably reading too much into things; while emotionally I feel hurt and jealous/envious.  I have a feeling that I was feeling sort of depressed last night because there was a slight lapse in my anti-depressant.  I had taken it two nights ago around 10:00 pm and last night I hadn't taken it yet when I had this short crying episode.  Can not taking it exactly 24 hours apart really have that much of a difference on my mood?  When I was thinking about this situation this morning, I didn't feel so depressed.  Sure, I felt slighty bothered, but I didn't feel like crying.  So I'm thinking my crying last night was probably the result of not taking my medicine right on time.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

feeling left out

Due to some news that I found out from a couple of close friends a little over 2 weeks ago, a part of me is feeling left out.  While feeling left out is not a new feeling for me, it's frustrating this time because I feel like I shouldn't be the one who feels left out.  I'm the one who has done the "right" thing, so why should I be the one that feels left out. 

I haven't really talked to either of my friends about the information that they shared with me.  One of them I specifically think I need to talk to about the news.  We just haven't had the time in the last two weeks.  Things have been really busy; at the same time, sometimes it feels like things are different between us.  At times I feel "akward" around her.  It's like I want to address the situation and talk about the information that she shared with me, but we just haven't had a good opportunity.  Also, she's dealing with a lot of stuff in her own life, including in her marriage, so part of me doesn't want to add any pressure to the situation.  However, because it has been more than 2 weeks now since she shared her "story" with me, part of me has forgotten some of the things I wanted to say to her in the days soon after.  I did talk to my counselor that day she shared her story, so I was able to work through some of my issue with my counselor.  But I still feel like my friend and I need to discuss things. 

It's hard being in this place sometimes; where part of me wants for things to go back to how they used to be, while another part of me knows that things won't quite be the same again.  I'm just now sure how to find a balance between the two.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

It's been awhile

So I know that it has been a while since I last's even been a while since I even logged on to read other people's blogs.  I guess I just haven't had the time (or, if I'm honest with myself, the desire to).  Tonight I got caught up on the blog of someone I actually know in "real" life.  It's a blog that is often hard to read; it usually makes me cry.  Ultimately though it makes me want to make better choices and reach out to others better.  It just seems to be slow going. 

Onto other things...last week I saw a picture of myself that was a huge reality check for me and my weight problem.  I did not look good in the picture...even though a friend told me that I looked okay, I think it look terrible.  Other the last few weeks I've told myself numerous times that I need to lose weight and get my butt in gear (no pun intended).  Well after seeing this picture, I really told myself that I need to get moving.  So this week I've been trying really hard to work out.  A friend and I have walked the past two days during lunch time (unfortunately we can only to this every other week because of our schedules).  I've also went walking in the evening by myself.  Each of the last two days I've walked for about 1 hour.  Now I'm just hoping that I can keep it up.  I know that I need to make this change...for a variety of reasons. 

Well I want to head to bed soon, so I can do my devotion (which is another thing that I'm trying to do every day now) and get plenty of sleep tonight.  I'm hoping to write again soon. 

God Bless-