It's been a while since I've posted anything on here. It's been a while since I've even logged on and read some other blogs. I guess it just haven't "felt" like it the last few months. Don't ask me why. These past few days I've been thinking about the blogging world and decided that I want to start being a part of it again.
Here are some things that have been going on in my life lately:
The school year ended and I'm now preparing for the next one. We start 3 weeks from today. I have a lot to do in that amount of time. Things are going to be changing for me a little this year. I'm going to be teaching some different subjects (more social studies classes). I'm excited, because I love social studies, but it is going to take some extra planning at first.
My summer has gone by fast. I went "home" for a couple of weeks near the end of June and beginning of July. I spent time with my family. It was good to see my parents and spend some time with them. My mom and I got along pretty well while I was there. We only got into a heated "talk" a time or two, which is better than other times. I was awesome to see my brother, sister-in-law, niece, and nephew. The kiddos are growing so much and are as adorable as ever!! I just absolutely love them and wish that I could see them more often. The week that they were at my parents house we kept plenty busy, including spending time with the extended families. It was great!
The day after I returned down south, a friend from college came to visit. It was so great to spend some quality time with her. She decided that she wanted to help me clean my bedroom (since it was a major mess when she got here). She helped me do that and some other organizing/cleaning in my apartment. I've also started doing some more decorating. I've still got some stuff to finish up that we started while she was here.
This friend and I are working together to loss weight (she doesn't have as much to lose, since she's been on weight watchers for a few years). Every day we email each other what we ate that day and if we exercised any. We have been doing that for two weeks and in that two weeks I've lost about 2.5 pounds. I've been trying to workout pretty much everyday. In the last week and a half, I've went on a walk 9 times. At least 7 of these times I've walked for one hour (or more). I'm just hoping that I can keep up the working out once school starts. It's going to be tricky, since I won't have as much time in the morning to walk outside due to having to be at school on time. I think I'll have to start using my workout videos again. My short-term goal is to be down 7 lb more by labor day (that would be about 9 pounds total).
The rest of the summer I've been trying to relax and filling in some at summer camp at school. It's been nice to earn some extra money. Plus, if I have stuff to do occasionally, then I plan and manage my time better. I've spent some time with friends here, but not a ton. One friend has been gone one business part of the summer. The other friend has been going through a lot, so she's been traveling to see family and spending lots of time with her husband. At times, it's been hard and I have felt left-out. I know that this is just an emotional response. Logically and rationally I know that she's going through a lot (I talked with my counselor about this a lot at my last appointment).
Okay, it is time to email my friend what I ate today and then head to bed (read my book first, then sleep). I hope to come back again soon! Take care and God bless everyone!!
-Single Lutheran
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
It's hard
It's hard exactly put into words how I've been feeling lately. It seems like a lot of thoughts have been going through my head since the last time I wrote anything on here. I can remember thinking in the past few weeks "I should write something in my blog about this" but never actually getting around to it. I don't particularly like when that happens. Sometimes I think that happens with my therapy appointments. I think of stuff I could talk about in-between appointments, but then I can't always remember them when I actually go to the appointment. I'm just going to start somewhere and see here it takes me.
School-It has been kind of busy and crazy. A lot is going to be happening between now and the end of the school year. We've been back in school a week since spring break and it was a exhausting week just trying to get back into the swing of things. This following week is going to be busy too. I've just got tons of stuff going on.
Spring Break-I didn't go anywhere for break. I just stayed here and tried to get some work done. I did get some time to relax and work on some extra school-related stuff. I didn't get everything done that I wanted to (like my taxes, which I finally did on Thursday instead). It was kind of a lonely week because my two closest friends here were both gone (one was visiting family, the other was on a business trip). That made parts of my break very hard. I just didn't have a chance to really do anything socially. I just wish that I could reach out more to others, or that they would reach out to me more. I wish that I would have had enough money to go visit my brother and his family. Then I could have spent lots of time with my niece and nephew. I guess I'll just have to settle for seeing them this summer when I go visit my parents. At this point I don't think I'll be able to make a separate trip to New Mexico to visit them.
Friends-Do you ever feel like your best friends don't want to spend time with you? It seems like lately I've been feeling that way. It seems like my best friend down here and I don't do much together anymore. There are times when I would like to do something together, but so often she has other plans. I've been feeling like she's willing to take the time to make plans with other people but not with me. I know I can't expect to be able to do something with her all the time, it just seems like the amount of time we are able to spend together gets less and less. Another friend (one from college) is hopefully going to be moving closer to me this summer (only 4 1/2 hours away instead of 7). I'm hoping that this means we'll be able to see each other a bit more. I'm hoping that she'll come and visit me sometime, since she's only been here to see me once in the 3 years I've lived here (and that was for only about 12 hours). I do get frustrated though because she does take trips to other places and even mentioned something about going to visit a friend out in South Carolina this summer (which is probably at least 3 times farther than coming to visit me). I just feel like people don't see me as someone they really want to spend time with. I don't feel like I'm on their "priority" list. Thats a hard thing to deal with, when I so badly want to know that people care about me.
School-It has been kind of busy and crazy. A lot is going to be happening between now and the end of the school year. We've been back in school a week since spring break and it was a exhausting week just trying to get back into the swing of things. This following week is going to be busy too. I've just got tons of stuff going on.
Spring Break-I didn't go anywhere for break. I just stayed here and tried to get some work done. I did get some time to relax and work on some extra school-related stuff. I didn't get everything done that I wanted to (like my taxes, which I finally did on Thursday instead). It was kind of a lonely week because my two closest friends here were both gone (one was visiting family, the other was on a business trip). That made parts of my break very hard. I just didn't have a chance to really do anything socially. I just wish that I could reach out more to others, or that they would reach out to me more. I wish that I would have had enough money to go visit my brother and his family. Then I could have spent lots of time with my niece and nephew. I guess I'll just have to settle for seeing them this summer when I go visit my parents. At this point I don't think I'll be able to make a separate trip to New Mexico to visit them.
Friends-Do you ever feel like your best friends don't want to spend time with you? It seems like lately I've been feeling that way. It seems like my best friend down here and I don't do much together anymore. There are times when I would like to do something together, but so often she has other plans. I've been feeling like she's willing to take the time to make plans with other people but not with me. I know I can't expect to be able to do something with her all the time, it just seems like the amount of time we are able to spend together gets less and less. Another friend (one from college) is hopefully going to be moving closer to me this summer (only 4 1/2 hours away instead of 7). I'm hoping that this means we'll be able to see each other a bit more. I'm hoping that she'll come and visit me sometime, since she's only been here to see me once in the 3 years I've lived here (and that was for only about 12 hours). I do get frustrated though because she does take trips to other places and even mentioned something about going to visit a friend out in South Carolina this summer (which is probably at least 3 times farther than coming to visit me). I just feel like people don't see me as someone they really want to spend time with. I don't feel like I'm on their "priority" list. Thats a hard thing to deal with, when I so badly want to know that people care about me.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
conversations
Today I asked one of my good friends if she ever thinks out possible conversations in her head. By this I mean, do you plan out what you would say if you have a particular conversation with someone? She said that yes she does. Then I asked if she ever actually says out load what she might or would like to say if there was an real conversation. Again, she said that she does this. I told her that I do too. She said it doesn't make me crazy.
The reason I brought this up with her and here in my blog is because last night I was having one of these "conversations." I was actually saying some things that I would like to say to this friend (I mentioned it in the previous post). I still haven't had a chance to discuss things with her. I don't really want to do it to bring up the past; I just feel like I need a sense of "closer" on the whole issue.
Last night was a hard night for me; at least harder that it has been lately. It was about 10:30 or so and I was thinking about what I would say to my friend and I just started crying. Part of it was brought on by something I read on Facebook. It's another one of those times when I know logically that I'm probably reading too much into things; while emotionally I feel hurt and jealous/envious. I have a feeling that I was feeling sort of depressed last night because there was a slight lapse in my anti-depressant. I had taken it two nights ago around 10:00 pm and last night I hadn't taken it yet when I had this short crying episode. Can not taking it exactly 24 hours apart really have that much of a difference on my mood? When I was thinking about this situation this morning, I didn't feel so depressed. Sure, I felt slighty bothered, but I didn't feel like crying. So I'm thinking my crying last night was probably the result of not taking my medicine right on time.
The reason I brought this up with her and here in my blog is because last night I was having one of these "conversations." I was actually saying some things that I would like to say to this friend (I mentioned it in the previous post). I still haven't had a chance to discuss things with her. I don't really want to do it to bring up the past; I just feel like I need a sense of "closer" on the whole issue.
Last night was a hard night for me; at least harder that it has been lately. It was about 10:30 or so and I was thinking about what I would say to my friend and I just started crying. Part of it was brought on by something I read on Facebook. It's another one of those times when I know logically that I'm probably reading too much into things; while emotionally I feel hurt and jealous/envious. I have a feeling that I was feeling sort of depressed last night because there was a slight lapse in my anti-depressant. I had taken it two nights ago around 10:00 pm and last night I hadn't taken it yet when I had this short crying episode. Can not taking it exactly 24 hours apart really have that much of a difference on my mood? When I was thinking about this situation this morning, I didn't feel so depressed. Sure, I felt slighty bothered, but I didn't feel like crying. So I'm thinking my crying last night was probably the result of not taking my medicine right on time.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
feeling left out
Due to some news that I found out from a couple of close friends a little over 2 weeks ago, a part of me is feeling left out. While feeling left out is not a new feeling for me, it's frustrating this time because I feel like I shouldn't be the one who feels left out. I'm the one who has done the "right" thing, so why should I be the one that feels left out.
I haven't really talked to either of my friends about the information that they shared with me. One of them I specifically think I need to talk to about the news. We just haven't had the time in the last two weeks. Things have been really busy; at the same time, sometimes it feels like things are different between us. At times I feel "akward" around her. It's like I want to address the situation and talk about the information that she shared with me, but we just haven't had a good opportunity. Also, she's dealing with a lot of stuff in her own life, including in her marriage, so part of me doesn't want to add any pressure to the situation. However, because it has been more than 2 weeks now since she shared her "story" with me, part of me has forgotten some of the things I wanted to say to her in the days soon after. I did talk to my counselor that day she shared her story, so I was able to work through some of my issue with my counselor. But I still feel like my friend and I need to discuss things.
It's hard being in this place sometimes; where part of me wants for things to go back to how they used to be, while another part of me knows that things won't quite be the same again. I'm just now sure how to find a balance between the two.
I haven't really talked to either of my friends about the information that they shared with me. One of them I specifically think I need to talk to about the news. We just haven't had the time in the last two weeks. Things have been really busy; at the same time, sometimes it feels like things are different between us. At times I feel "akward" around her. It's like I want to address the situation and talk about the information that she shared with me, but we just haven't had a good opportunity. Also, she's dealing with a lot of stuff in her own life, including in her marriage, so part of me doesn't want to add any pressure to the situation. However, because it has been more than 2 weeks now since she shared her "story" with me, part of me has forgotten some of the things I wanted to say to her in the days soon after. I did talk to my counselor that day she shared her story, so I was able to work through some of my issue with my counselor. But I still feel like my friend and I need to discuss things.
It's hard being in this place sometimes; where part of me wants for things to go back to how they used to be, while another part of me knows that things won't quite be the same again. I'm just now sure how to find a balance between the two.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Two friends
A friend of mine from high school (I'll call her Anne) has recently become a Muslim. She grew up as a Roman Catholic, but at times she struggled with her faith and what she believed. Well I found out this past spring that she converted to Islam in March. I don't stay in a lot of contact with her. If I do talk with her it's over Facebook. I've struggled with what exactly to say to her and I'm having trouble understanding her decision. Well last night I finally asked her something about it on Facebook. Her responses to my questions today really shocked me and made me really realize how into this she is.
I'm still struggling with what exactly to say to her. A part of me wishes that I could easily change her mind. I know that I cannot do that. Only the Holy Spirit can change her heart. I'm just going to continue to pray for her and answer her questions that she has for me the best that I can and pray that the Lord will work through my responses. One of the questions she asked me is: "how do you know something is the truth if you do not have knowledge of what you believe is a lie?"
Onto another friend. This is a friend from college (I'll call her Shay). She's definitely my best friend from college and the one I stay in contact with the most (other than another girl I knew in college that I now work with and is now one of my best friends). Since we've graduated college, we've only seen each other a few times and it's always been for a short amount of time. I've really wanted her to come and visit me. She was planning on coming and visiting me in early August, the weekend before school started. She ended up not being able to come because she didn't have enough money. I was really understanding. I know that she's having financial problems and that money has been tight with her lately.
That's not what has made me feel hurt. I'm hurt because she couldn't afford to come and see me but she could afford to go up to the Twin Cities (she lives in Iowa) this weekend for Labor Day. She was going with another friend from college. Now I know that she had this trip planned before she planned on coming to visit me. Now the logical part of me knows that I shouldn't be hurt because she had this planned a while ago. But another part of me still hurts.
What hurts it that she didn't even originally think about coming to visit me over Labor Day weekend as a possibility, rather than going to Minneapolis. She doesn't now anyone that lives up there. They weren't going to see anyone in particular. They were just going to hang out and probably do some shopping. It also hurts because last year, her and a couple of college friends went to Chicago. Another place that they didn't know anyone in particular. They just went to do some sightseeing. Why don't they ever think to come and visit me? To go somewhere where they actually know someone? Why am I not thought of a possibility as a place to visit? It just hurts.
I know that I shouldn't find my contentment in my life from other people. I need to find it on my own (that's one of the things my counselor said this past week at our appointment). I need to find a way to keep my "cup" filled on my own. I cannot expect and need others to fill it. I'm trying to do that. I'm reaching out my "cup" wanting others to fill it with their words of affirmation and quality time (my primary love languages). Once I find a way to fill it on my own then the things from others will just be a bonus. I cannot be dependent on others. It was hard to hear this, but I know that it's true.
I'm still struggling with what exactly to say to her. A part of me wishes that I could easily change her mind. I know that I cannot do that. Only the Holy Spirit can change her heart. I'm just going to continue to pray for her and answer her questions that she has for me the best that I can and pray that the Lord will work through my responses. One of the questions she asked me is: "how do you know something is the truth if you do not have knowledge of what you believe is a lie?"
Onto another friend. This is a friend from college (I'll call her Shay). She's definitely my best friend from college and the one I stay in contact with the most (other than another girl I knew in college that I now work with and is now one of my best friends). Since we've graduated college, we've only seen each other a few times and it's always been for a short amount of time. I've really wanted her to come and visit me. She was planning on coming and visiting me in early August, the weekend before school started. She ended up not being able to come because she didn't have enough money. I was really understanding. I know that she's having financial problems and that money has been tight with her lately.
That's not what has made me feel hurt. I'm hurt because she couldn't afford to come and see me but she could afford to go up to the Twin Cities (she lives in Iowa) this weekend for Labor Day. She was going with another friend from college. Now I know that she had this trip planned before she planned on coming to visit me. Now the logical part of me knows that I shouldn't be hurt because she had this planned a while ago. But another part of me still hurts.
What hurts it that she didn't even originally think about coming to visit me over Labor Day weekend as a possibility, rather than going to Minneapolis. She doesn't now anyone that lives up there. They weren't going to see anyone in particular. They were just going to hang out and probably do some shopping. It also hurts because last year, her and a couple of college friends went to Chicago. Another place that they didn't know anyone in particular. They just went to do some sightseeing. Why don't they ever think to come and visit me? To go somewhere where they actually know someone? Why am I not thought of a possibility as a place to visit? It just hurts.
I know that I shouldn't find my contentment in my life from other people. I need to find it on my own (that's one of the things my counselor said this past week at our appointment). I need to find a way to keep my "cup" filled on my own. I cannot expect and need others to fill it. I'm trying to do that. I'm reaching out my "cup" wanting others to fill it with their words of affirmation and quality time (my primary love languages). Once I find a way to fill it on my own then the things from others will just be a bonus. I cannot be dependent on others. It was hard to hear this, but I know that it's true.
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