Saturday, March 27, 2010

It's hard

It's hard exactly put into words how I've been feeling lately.  It seems like a lot of thoughts have been going through my head since the last time I wrote anything on here.  I can remember thinking in the past few weeks "I should write something in my blog about this" but never actually getting around to it.  I don't particularly like when that happens.  Sometimes I think that happens with my therapy appointments.  I think of stuff I could talk about in-between appointments, but then I can't always remember them when I actually go to the appointment.  I'm just going to start somewhere and see here it takes me.

School-It has been kind of busy and crazy.  A lot is going to be happening between now and the end of the school year.  We've been back in school a week since spring break and it was a exhausting week just trying to get back into the swing of things.  This following week is going to be busy too.  I've just got tons of stuff going on.

Spring Break-I didn't go anywhere for break.  I just stayed here and tried to get some work done.  I did get some time to relax and work on some extra school-related stuff.  I didn't get everything done that I wanted to (like my taxes, which I finally did on Thursday instead).  It was kind of a lonely week because my two closest friends here were both gone (one was visiting family, the other was on a business trip).  That made parts of my break very hard.  I just didn't have a chance to really do anything socially.  I just wish that I could reach out more to others, or that they would reach out to me more.  I wish that I would have had enough money to go visit my brother and his family.  Then I could have spent lots of time with my niece and nephew.  I guess I'll just have to settle for seeing them this summer when I go visit my parents.  At this point I don't think I'll be able to make a separate trip to New Mexico to visit them. 

Friends-Do you ever feel like your best friends don't want to spend time with you?  It seems like lately I've been feeling that way.  It seems like my best friend down here and I don't do much together anymore.  There are times when I would like to do something together, but so often she has other plans.  I've been feeling like she's willing to take the time to make plans with other people but not with me.  I know I can't expect to be able to do something with her all the time, it just seems like the amount of time we are able to spend together gets less and less.  Another friend (one from college) is hopefully going to be moving closer to me this summer (only 4 1/2 hours away instead of 7).  I'm hoping that this means we'll be able to see each other a bit more.  I'm hoping that she'll come and visit me sometime, since she's only been here to see me once in the 3 years I've lived here (and that was for only about 12 hours).  I do get frustrated though because she does take trips to other places and even mentioned something about going to visit a friend out in South Carolina this summer (which is probably at least 3 times farther than coming to visit me).  I just feel like people don't see me as someone they really want to spend time with.  I don't feel like I'm on their "priority" list.  Thats a hard thing to deal with, when I so badly want to know that people care about me. 

Sunday, March 7, 2010

my time???

When will it be my time?  When will it be my time to finally meet a guy?  How much longer am I going to have to wait?  Does anyone have any idea how hard it is for me when I don't have any similar experiences to what you are talking about?  Do you have any idea how pathetic I feel that I'm in my mid twenties and I've only been on 1 date!  I wish that I could move past these feelings.  Sometimes it doesn't bother me as much, but lately it has again. 

Okay, onto another topic.  I've been doing awful at my weight loss plan the last few weeks!  I haven't been working out and I haven't been tracking my calories.  It seems that I've gotten so busy and after being sick, I've lost the motivation!  I know that I need to get up in the morning and start working out again!!!!