Saturday, September 5, 2009

Two friends

A friend of mine from high school (I'll call her Anne) has recently become a Muslim. She grew up as a Roman Catholic, but at times she struggled with her faith and what she believed. Well I found out this past spring that she converted to Islam in March. I don't stay in a lot of contact with her. If I do talk with her it's over Facebook. I've struggled with what exactly to say to her and I'm having trouble understanding her decision. Well last night I finally asked her something about it on Facebook. Her responses to my questions today really shocked me and made me really realize how into this she is.

I'm still struggling with what exactly to say to her. A part of me wishes that I could easily change her mind. I know that I cannot do that. Only the Holy Spirit can change her heart. I'm just going to continue to pray for her and answer her questions that she has for me the best that I can and pray that the Lord will work through my responses. One of the questions she asked me is: "how do you know something is the truth if you do not have knowledge of what you believe is a lie?"

Onto another friend. This is a friend from college (I'll call her Shay). She's definitely my best friend from college and the one I stay in contact with the most (other than another girl I knew in college that I now work with and is now one of my best friends). Since we've graduated college, we've only seen each other a few times and it's always been for a short amount of time. I've really wanted her to come and visit me. She was planning on coming and visiting me in early August, the weekend before school started. She ended up not being able to come because she didn't have enough money. I was really understanding. I know that she's having financial problems and that money has been tight with her lately.

That's not what has made me feel hurt. I'm hurt because she couldn't afford to come and see me but she could afford to go up to the Twin Cities (she lives in Iowa) this weekend for Labor Day. She was going with another friend from college. Now I know that she had this trip planned before she planned on coming to visit me. Now the logical part of me knows that I shouldn't be hurt because she had this planned a while ago. But another part of me still hurts.

What hurts it that she didn't even originally think about coming to visit me over Labor Day weekend as a possibility, rather than going to Minneapolis. She doesn't now anyone that lives up there. They weren't going to see anyone in particular. They were just going to hang out and probably do some shopping. It also hurts because last year, her and a couple of college friends went to Chicago. Another place that they didn't know anyone in particular. They just went to do some sightseeing. Why don't they ever think to come and visit me? To go somewhere where they actually know someone? Why am I not thought of a possibility as a place to visit? It just hurts.

I know that I shouldn't find my contentment in my life from other people. I need to find it on my own (that's one of the things my counselor said this past week at our appointment). I need to find a way to keep my "cup" filled on my own. I cannot expect and need others to fill it. I'm trying to do that. I'm reaching out my "cup" wanting others to fill it with their words of affirmation and quality time (my primary love languages). Once I find a way to fill it on my own then the things from others will just be a bonus. I cannot be dependent on others. It was hard to hear this, but I know that it's true.