another night alone

Again it is Friday night and I'm spending the night just sitting at home. No plans. No social life. I'm sure that I could have taken a more active role in having something to do tonight, but there are so many times when I just don't want make the effort, or I'm just tired of making the effort. Tonight is not the first Friday night that I've had nothing to do, not by a long shot. So many nights I sit at home with no place to go. Some days it's harder to deal with than others. Some days I'm okay with the not having anything to do, with being lonely. Other days I just want to sit around and mope and possibly cry.

It's hard because so many of the people that I know are at different times in their lives. They're in a relationship, married, and/or have children. They just have different responsibilities than me. While I understand that they have these responsibilities and that they don't have as much free time, its still hard when I feel forgotten.

My counselor has told me that one situation is not better than the other. They are simply different. She also said that people are most likely not purposefully forgetting me. They just have other things on their mind. The logical part of me understands that; it's just the emotional driven part of me that sometimes doesn't. I guess it hurts when I'm continually not invited. It's also hard when I know that these people are inviting others who are "new."

Let's just say that it's an ongoing war that I'm fighting. Some days I feel like I've won a battle. Other days I feel like I've been badly defeated.