Saturday, January 21, 2012

Long, Long Time

It has been a really, really long time since I wrote on here.  At least a year and a half....not sure if anyone is even going to see this......

I've decided to write on here again because a couple of my friends on Facebook have blogs and they have recently mentioned them.  That got me thinking about how I haven't written on here in a while.  Lots of stuff has happened....yet some things have stayed the same.

As my blog title says, I have my struggles....some are new, some are not.  I have had my struggles with my vocation over the past year.  Things changed a lot this school year.  I am teaching less classes....and helping in other ways instead (some of it by my choice, some not).  I don't want to go into a lot of specifics on here, but let's just say it has been an adjustment for sure.  I have spent a lot of time thinking about next year.  Decisions are upon me and uncertainty awaits.  It is hard to not knowing what is going to be happening over the next few times I feel ready for it...other times I dread it.  It is really just a big mixture of emotions.

Two months ago today, my maternal grandfather passed away from throat cancer.  He was first diagnosed about a year ago.  He underwent radiation and the treatment had worked.  Then in September, they found out that he had a tumor again.  His only option for treatment was surgery.  It would have taken out his voice box and included a long recovery.  Because my grandfather was 86 years old, he decided against surgery.  He wanted to spend the last days, weeks, or months of his life at home on the farm.  Hospice came in to help my grandmother take care of him.  My brother and his family from New Mexico and I were planning on making a quick trip up to Minnesota for Thanksgiving to see him (in case something happened before Christmas).  The Monday before Thanksgiving (we were going to get there on Wednesday) I received a phone call from my mom late at night (about 11pm).  My grandfather had passed away that evening.  So instead of getting to see my grandfather at Thanksgiving, we were there for his funeral.  It was a good funeral and I know that he is now in heaven, free from pain.  We have said, that I guess Grandpa wanted to make it convenient and cheaper for us.

I will leave it on that note tonight.  Perhaps I will come back again soon.


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